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Yes, we can. Yes, we have. Yes, we will. November 5, 2008

Posted by Robert in Election 08, Not Political, Politics, Social Commentary.
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american-flag-2a

Congratulations to Barack Obama, the 44th President of The United State of America.   I had the privilege of watching the results from Rockefeller Plaza in Mid-town Manhattan.   It was absolutely packed to the gills with humanity.  Yes, it was overwhelmingly a Democratic and Pro-Obama crowd, but if you were there it seemed like more than that.  The word catharsis comes to mind.

Congratulations to John McCain, who ran a strong race and gave a moving and unifying concession speech.  He gave me hope that the John McCain that I grew to love and admire 4 years ago is still in there somewhere and will hopefully reemerge as a stalwart of the senate that all Americans can look to for a cool head and an honest opinion.   His party did not let him be himself during this election, but now that it’s over, I hope he goes back to answering only to himself.   That’s the McCain I loved.

Tonight, my wish was granted.  Now lets see if we, the American People, can stand up and answer my prayer.

In closing…

Obama/Biden Vs. McCain/Palin – Of Lipstick and Pigs September 10, 2008

Posted by Robert in Election 08, Humor, Politics.
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Well, by now you’ve probably heard all about the what some are dubbing “Swine-gate”.  If you haven’t, here’s the clip.

Now this “Lipstick on a Pig” line may be many things.  It’s certainly an old hack line.  It’s not funny.  It’s true in that “rather than just say my opponents are liars I’m going to say something folksy that gets the point across” sort of way.  But for the life of me what I cannot see it as is a personal attack on Sarah Palin.  Anyone with a 1st grade level knowledge of sentence structure can tell you that the subject of Obama’s comment was not Sarah Palin, who was never even mentioned once, but the proposed policies of John McCain.

I’m well aware that Palin said the equally hack “difference between a hockey-mom and a pit bull” line at her acceptance speech.  And I’m also equally aware that political pundits on both sides of the spectrum pounce on loose connections like this all the time.  These are called gaffes and the campaigns are just sick with them.   But it seems that the McCain-Palin campaign is once again being very liberal, yes liberal with their ability to throw together a campaign ad with out of context clips that are meant to distract and take focus away from the overwhelming dissatisfaction with 8 years of republican rule in this country.

Here’s the ad that the McCain campaign swiftly responded with.

Notice anything missing?  Like context?  Like logic?  Like a vampire in a battle of wits with a rabbit?

McCain should really check youtube from time to time for things other than this and this.  Because if he did, he might notice that certain things that he has said in the past are still alive and well.  He may also notice that little box on the top of the screen marked “search” where if a person were to write something like “McCain lipstick on a pig” in that little box and then press the “enter” key on their keyboard, this page will pop up on the screen.

If you look on that page, you’ll find this video.

Oops!  Well I guess his use of the phrase was completely different because Hillary never compared herself to a pet with cosmetics.  But you can’t be surprised that he didn’t find this obvious personal inconsistency.  He’s admitted that he doesn’t know how to use the glowing box you see before you.

“Blasted Internet!!”, said the aging candidate after reading the progressive bloggers post. “When I get in power these futile bed-wetters will feel my wrath!!  Now hand me my Tiajuana Bible and lets go to a Brooklyn Dodgers game!!”

Update!!: It appears that CBS News has forced YouTube to remove the “Lipstick” McCain ad because it was “misleading”.  Ben Smith from Politico explains here:

YouTube has removed a webad that casts Sarah Palin as the victim of sexism on the request of CBS, whose anchor Katie Couric was featured in the ad.

YouTube’s page displaying the ad now tells visitors, “This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by CBS Interactive Inc.”

“One of the great lessons of that campaign is the continued and accepted role of sexism in American life,” Couric is quoted in the ad.

In the original clip, which aired months before Palin entered the race, Couric was talking about Hillary Clinton. The ad applies her words to Palin.

Asked about the ad, CBS spokeswoman Leigh Farris said, “CBS News does not endorse any candidate in the Presidential race. Any use of CBS personnel in political advertising that suggests the contrary is misleading.”

DNC Day 3: Bill Clinton – All I Need Is One Mic August 28, 2008

Posted by Robert in Election 08, Humor, Politics.
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Big Willy Style

Big Willy Style

9:26 EST – Coming in at a trim 20 minutes, this hit all the bases it needed to.  Well done Bill.  I’m really starting to wonder where everyone in the press is getting this animosity story from.

9:25 EST – “If like me you believe America must always be a place called ‘Hope’, than you must elect Barack Obama the next President of The United States of America.”  – Nice way to wrap things up.

9:22 EST – “Thanks but no chance.  In this case the 3rd time is not the charm.”

9:19 EST – Here comes the McCain stuff.  They always start with compliments.   “He still embraces the extreme philosophy that has defined his party for more than 25 years.” – Olbermann analyzed this one correctly, John McCain is an extremist.  This world needs less of those.

9:18 EST –  “Katrina and Cronyism”  – Check.  Katrina was an unforgivable sin by this administration.  Well, I guess they didn’t cause the storm itself, they just fumbled the handling of it like the laces were out.

9:16 EST –  “People the world over have always been more impressed by he power of our example than by he example of our power.” – Um. Yeah, that pretty much sums up what’s wrong with current administration.

9:13 EST – “Barack Obama is ready to be President of The United States” – !!!

9:12 EST – Still waiting to hear any of the following words. McCain, bad, torture, Katrina, Bush, disaster, old.

9:10 EST – This is Bill’s  “Patton” speech.  “My 8 years in office convinced me that Barack Obama is the man for this job.”  – Hey pundits, is that clear enough for you?

9:07 EST – “Yesterday Hillary said in no uncertain terms that she would do everything she can to elect Barack Obama. Well actually that makes 2 of us.  Well… actually that makes 18 Million of us.”  Well played.

9:05 EST – About a 5 minute ovation.   Then “I am here first to support Barack Obama and second I’m here to warm up the crowd for Joe Biden.”  Good start.

9:03 EST – Bill chose to go with a blue tie.   I was sorta hoping something more pumpkin to match his wife.

8:57 EST – Just woke up from a wee nap.  It’s Big Willy time.

Less Obvious Running Mates – Obama Edition August 19, 2008

Posted by Robert in Election 08, Humor, Politics, Television.
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Well, all the political blogosphere is buzzing.  Presumptive democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama is closing in on making his decision as to who his running mate will be.

Omnipresent news aggregate site Drudgereport.com, has put up a poll where site visitors can vote on whom they think will make the cut.  Currently the only specific person that is leading in the poll is Joe Biden.  He along with Hillary and Bayh round out the top 3 actual human beings that people seem to think have the best chance of being selected.  But, non of them are actually leading in the poll itself.   The current leader in the poll with over a third of total votes is “Wild card“.

So people, well visitors to Drudge’s site anyway, feel that the pick is going to come out of left field.  So lets take a look at 5 of the less obvious choices that might make the cut, what they bring to the table and what could be some downsides for Obama for putting them on the ticket.

#1 MacGruber

A relative no-name in the political realm, MacGruber would bring a fresh face to an already fresh candidacy.  He’s also able to adapt to uncomfortable situations and seems to have had some rudimentary military experience.

Pro: He makes life saving inventions out of household materials.
Con: He’s a raging alcoholic
Chance of being on ticket: 3%

#2 Mayor McCheese

A relatively safe choice for Senator Obama, Mayor McCheese has been a staple on the national political scene for decades now.  He’s been lauded for his ability to put aside partisan politics in order to bring about positive legislation to his constituency.  McCheese could really serve to counter some of the charges of inexperience from the Republicans.  Should Obama choose McCheese, Senator McCain’s choices for his running mate would be limited.

Pro: Experience and bi-partisan support.
Con: He might be a Scientologist.
Chance of being on ticket: 12%

#3 Charles Nelson Reilly

Governor Reilly would be a very popular choice among the independent voters as his strong stance on Tort Reform and border security has been long established.  Southern voters however are split on this potential choice, with half the south wanting to “string that boy up from the tallest tree in the county” and the other half thinking that he has a “real purdy mouth“.  So it could go either way in the red states.

Pro: HAAAUUUUUUHHHLLLLL!!!! (Shakes glasses with hand)
Con: He’s still dead.
Chance of being on ticket: 3%

#4 Yoda, the cat with four ears

How many firsts can one presidency bring to America?  Surly the first feline or non-human vice-presidential candidate would attract the crazy cat lady vote, but it might alienate him from the chronic allergy sufferer vote.   This choice could also be seen as pandering to the very strong Fancy Feast lobbyists.  Some would say that putting the actual Yoda on the ticket would be the smarter choice.  But while it would definitely garner a huge percentage of the geek vote,  it might not be smart to put the only being in the universe who is older than your rival, on the ticket.

Pro: Great Hearing
Con: Cats are Assholes
Chance of being on ticket: 21%

#5 Superman, last son of Krypton AKA Kal-El AKA The Man of Steel AKA The Man of Tomorrow AKA Clark Kent AKA Spiderman… wait what?

Personally, I think that this one is a no brainer.  Supes would totally be the perfect choice as a running mate.  He’s was the original American Hero and I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t condone torture.   He’s pretty much his own missile defence system, so we don’t have to worry about funding one of those anymore.  He can use his x-ray vision to finally find Bin Laden.  And, if we really eff something up royally again, he can just fly around the globe really fast and send us back in time.   The only problem would be if another interdimentional war breaks out and the Soviet Superman from elseworlds switches places with our superman.  Then we would have Superman:Red Son only a breath away from being the leader of the free world.  Although, when you think about it,  I’d probably rather have him than Dick Cheney.  Lex Luthor maybe, but not Dick Cheney.  Also, he can fight sharks better than Batman.

Pro: Um… He’s effing Superman.
Con: What if North Korea develops Kryptonite mines?
Chance of being on ticket: If he wants on the ticket, he’s getting on the ticket.  Why don’t you ask him what his chances are.

So there you have it.  My 5 wild card pics for the democratic vice-presidency.   I know these guys are long shots, well except for the cat.  But I think they’d all be great choices. So Senator Obama, if you’re reading this, why not take a chance?  You’ve built you’re whole campaign on doing things differently.  Why not surprise us with a wacky running mate? At the very least it’ll give us something to laugh at while we wait for the seas to rise and this crazy blue and green rock to stop spinning.

Is it cold in here, or is it just the war? August 14, 2008

Posted by Robert in Election 08, Politics.
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Pot, have you met my friend kettle?

So… where exactly does John McCain plan on getting the troops from if he becomes President and gets us wrapped up in a conflict that doesn’t involve us?  Just because you’re friends with the president of Georgia, doesn’t mean you can fight a war with Russia.  Lichtenstein maybe, but not Russia.  Russians are scary.

Ahh…. refreshingly level-headed and peaceful.  Just like Ronald Reagan would have done.  Oh wait. I forgot it’s no longer cool for American leaders make unifying speeches in Germany.

From the mouth of babes. Well… one really slutty babe. August 6, 2008

Posted by Robert in Election 08, Politics.
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He said what!?

He said what!?

See… this is why blogging is weird.  This post is going to cover something that is just going to be everywhere today;  On-line, television and stupid chain emails from people who can’t figure out how to friggin’ send a link to youtube and still need to send a giant windows media file to their entire address list.  IT’S NOT PROPER INTERNET ETIQUETTE PEOPLE!!!  For the record, neither is Caps Lock.

Anyway,  sometime late yesterday one of the victims of John McCain’s baseless attack ads last week decided to make their own ad responding to his silliness.   This victim showed such strength of character and such wisdom beyond their years that I feel our country has no choice but to stand up and take notice.

Paris Hilton, you’ve won me over.

In what is sure to become one of the most clever and well timed acts of political comedy in recent history, Paris Hilton decided to respond to McCain’s lambasting with a well thought out energy plan and a few gross generalizations about his physical appearance and well-being that were so biting, McCain might be tempted to have her write his next spot.   In the ad, she calls him a “wrinkly white-haired guy”. Accuracy check? Yep, I’ve looked at google images, that one is true.   The ad claims he’s the “oldest celebrity in the world”.  While I’m sure this one is not true, he’s certainly up there.  I mean face it, if McCain was an out of date movie star he’d be one of those guys like Ernest Borgnine or Sid Caesar.  If someone asked you if they were alive, you’d have to think long and hard about your answer.

McCain’s original ad features both Paris Hilton and Britney Spears as examples of the vapid celeb-type that he would like you, the American Voter to equate Barack Obama.  When I first saw the ad I thought “this is stupid.  McCain is hitting Barack below the belt.  Paris and Britney are worse than 8 Hitlers.”  But after seeing Paris’ response, I feel like he’s just being mean.  I mean even Paris and Britney have feelings.   What the hell gives anyone the right to use someone completely uninvolved with the presidential campaign for the purpose of defaming someone who is.   It’s just not cricket.

But the joke is very literally on McCain.  Paris’ response is quite simply comedic perfection.   It lampoons herself at the same time it lays waste to his holier-than-thou attitude in the last few week (months).  As if it was a bad thing for Barack to outside of the country to directly address the problem of global opinion and foreign relations.

The scariest part of this “ad” is how much sense it makes.   She suggests a energy compromise between the two candidates theories.   She proposes that we proceed with offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight while pressuring Michigan to produce more alternative fuel and hybrid automobiles so that ultimately America becomes more energy independent in the long term.   While I’m still not convinced about offshore drilling, because I’ve seen to many expert reports that it’s just not going to make that much of a difference in getting us off of our addiction to foreign oil and I’m sure Michigan is well aware that they need to wake up and start seeing the writing on the wall about alternative fuel vehicles, she presents the plan in a cool and collected manner that all politicians should take note of.   It would also help if they were not middle to old aged men and became sultry sex-pots.

The bottom line; McCain got caught.   He thought that he was going after Barack using an easy celebrity target.  Apparently he didn’t count on Paris being so willing to speak up for herself or being able to assemble a team of writers much more witty than the one he’s assembled.  Or, maybe he’s just not that involved with this part of his campaign and he’s letting his lackeys make too many of his campaign decisions for him.   As I’ve stated in the past, this just doesn’t seem like the McCain I used to love.   He’s changed, and not the good kind of rallying change that Barack has based his campaign on.  He’s changed,  like when your best friend in high school gets a girlfriend and suddenly he’s got to be friends with all of her friends and he starts saying that he likes Eve 6 and you’re all like “Dude, you don’t like Eve 6! Eve 6 is the worst!” and then he’s all like “Dude, you just haven’t given them a chance.”

That’s what McCain is like now. He’s become your douche-bag ex-best friend from high-school who now likes Eve 6 because his new girlfriend does.

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